1. Agree to as many difficult things as possible before getting engaged so that you don’t have to agree to them afterward.
2. Spend a good deal of time alone with your future spouse to see if you really get along. Go away for a few days and see if you vote each other off the island. If the return flight home is delayed 2 hours and you see this as an opportunity to enjoy each other’s company, it’s a good sign.
3. Enjoy your wedding and do not make the entire engagement revolve around it; it is just one day of the rest of your life. No matter what you might not like — resolve on that day to enjoy your wedding because you will be the only one to really remember it and you should have wonderful memories of it, and if you do, then the video is the one thing you will watch.
4. If there are problems, fix them. Try first with your spouse; then seek help from family, friends and professionals. Don’t ignore them. Whatever problems you think are unique, they aren’t. Others have them too, and there are fixes for them. Get help. Talk things out. The first year is a learning curve, and the more you deal with things early, the less they will fester later on.
5. Be happy if you are healthy and have enough money. If these are problems, they will dwarf all others. Keep problems in perspective and remember what is really important.
6. You don’t have to agree about everything and do everything together. Leave room to have some space not to agree and to go your own ways on certain things and to have solo time to think.
7. Resist the urge to spend money decorating and buying all your household needs — it takes a while to realize what you really need in your house, what kind of space you need and where you want to live.
8. Find a balance between dealing with the rest of the world and saving time for each other.
9. Be there for each other; little things count — a kind word, a hug, a hand, a note, a cuddle to start or end the day.
10. Get out and travel — these are great stress reducers and memory makers, and create magical moments that become the legends you carry forward and which create breakthroughs when ordinary conditions don’t.
